Living in a Dream You Can’t Wake From. Understanding Depersonalisation/Derealisation Disorder
When I first met Daniel (not his real name), he walked into my therapy room looking both exhausted and relieved. Exhausted because he’d been living with a constant, strange sense that the world — and sometimes even his own body — wasn’t quite real. Relieved because, after years of wondering if he was “losing his mind,” he had finally found the courage to speak about it.
Daniel had given me permission to share his story here, because he wanted others to know they aren’t alone.
He described moments when his surroundings looked flat, as if someone had placed a pane of glass between him and the world. Colours seemed dull. Sounds felt distant. Even his own voice sometimes seemed to belong to someone else. “It’s like I’m in a dream I can’t wake up from,” he said quietly. “And the more I think about it, the more I panic.”
What is Depersonalisation/Derealisation Disorder?
Depersonalisation/Derealisation Disorder (often shortened to DPDR) is a condition where people experience persistent or recurring feelings of being detached from themselves (depersonalisation) or from the world around them (derealisation) — or both.
In depersonalisation, you might feel as though you are watching yourself from outside your body, or as though your thoughts and actions are happening automatically without your control.
In derealisation, the external world may seem unreal, dreamlike, or even visually distorted.
Almost everyone experiences a passing moment of one or both of these sensations at some point — for example, after extreme fatigue, stress, or while daydreaming. But in DPDR, these feelings last longer, happen more often, and can cause deep distress.
How It Differs from Psychosis
Daniel’s greatest fear was that he might be developing psychosis. He had read online about hallucinations and delusions and wondered if this was what was happening to him.
The good news — and what I told him right away — was that DPDR is not the same as psychosis.
In psychosis, a person’s grip on reality is impaired. They may believe things that are not true (delusions) or see and hear things that aren’t there (hallucinations). Importantly, during psychosis, the person may not realise these experiences are unusual.
In DPDR, however, people know their perceptions are strange — and that knowledge can actually make the anxiety worse. Daniel, for example, would think, This feels so unreal… but I know it’s still real. That insight into reality is what distinguishes DPDR from psychosis.
Why Does It Happen?
DPDR often develops as a coping mechanism when the brain is overwhelmed. It can appear after severe anxiety, panic attacks, trauma, depression, or prolonged stress. In moments of intense fear, our mind sometimes “checks out” to protect us, creating a feeling of detachment.
Over time, however, this protective mechanism can get stuck in the “on” position, leaving the person trapped in a fog that no longer serves them.
In Daniel’s case, DPDR began after a period of relentless work stress, relationship problems, and health anxiety. He described lying awake at night, his mind racing, until one day he woke up and the world felt… wrong.
Finding a Way Back
While there’s no instant cure, DPDR is treatable, and many people fully recover. The key is breaking the cycle of fear and detachment.
Here are the main approaches that helped Daniel:
- Understanding the condition – Just learning that DPDR was a recognised disorder (and not a sign of psychosis) brought Daniel enormous relief. Knowledge gave him a sense of control.
- Grounding techniques – These are exercises that help bring your attention back to the present moment. Daniel found it helpful to touch textured surfaces, name five things he could see, or focus on the feeling of his feet on the floor.
- Reducing anxiety – Anxiety fuels DPDR. By working on calming his nervous system through breathing exercises, mindfulness, and pacing his daily routine, Daniel started to notice moments when the fog would lift.
- Processing underlying causes – In therapy, we explored the stressors and unresolved issues that had triggered the DPDR. This included working through fears, rethinking unhelpful beliefs, and finding healthier coping strategies.
- Lifestyle changes – Regular exercise, adequate sleep, and reduced screen time helped his brain recalibrate.
What Recovery Looks Like
Daniel’s recovery wasn’t a straight line. Some days he felt almost normal; other days, the detachment came back strong. The turning point was when he stopped fighting the sensation and instead acknowledged it with curiosity. “Okay, my brain is doing that thing again,” he’d say to himself, “but I know it will pass.”
Over time, the episodes became shorter and less intense. One day he realised he hadn’t thought about DPDR for weeks — a sign that his attention had returned fully to living rather than monitoring his symptoms.
A Note to Anyone Going Through This
If you’re experiencing DPDR, you are not broken, and you are not losing your mind. Your brain has simply switched into a self-protective state, and with the right help, it can switch back.
Talk to a mental health professional who understands the condition. Avoid spending hours online reading horror stories — focus on recovery, not fear. Most importantly, be patient and kind to yourself.
Daniel told me recently, “The biggest change was realising I didn’t have to feel normal to live my life. Once I stopped waiting for perfect clarity, life started to feel real again.”
That’s the thing about DPDR — the more you try to force reality to feel “right,” the more it slips away. But when you focus on living, reality has a way of quietly returning.